Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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