I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
