I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
