Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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