everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
