so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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