Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
