I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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