i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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