They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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