do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
