He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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