Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
there was a trapeze. enough said
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize