Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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