I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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