i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
