I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
