We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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