Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
