there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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