youre lurking in front of me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize