whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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