i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
