Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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