Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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