I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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