This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ttyl tear gas
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize