apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
