I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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