I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize