pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
