She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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