Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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