I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
