Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
