Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
