Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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