Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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