According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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