thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize