just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You pole danced in your parka.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
