Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
