I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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