There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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