Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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