I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
