I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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