And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize