just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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