im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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