Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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