The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
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I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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