I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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