If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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