If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
