I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize