the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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